Friday, 28 July 2017

Endometriosis has ruined my life!

Ever since been diagnosed well before being diagnosed really my life has been torn apart. 
I am in severe pain daily in my stomach, pelvic area, and back have constant digestive issues, painful bowel movements painful urination, have to pee every 10mins, have severe chronic fatigue, and feel like a zombie. 

I have had to give up everything in my life because of this illness, my course, my job, my social life, my hobbies, my freedom, all because I am in so much pain exhausted and bed bound daily. 
I may never be able to have a child due to this illness, I have to take hormones for the rest of my life, which are supposed to help but just make you feel worse, I have been robbed of my youth. 
I honestly feel sometimes like I would rather die than live this awful way. 
What kind of life is that to live? 

I try to think positively all the time I try to push myself to do things despite my pain and fatigue and I just end up feeling even worse! 

No one understands and everyone thinks your insane or making it up. 
Yeah like people would wanna pretend to be ill for years great prank right?! 

The worst thing is doctors not understanding or taking it seriously, everytime I see my GP I feel worse and dismissed and told it's psychological! 
Well I have an actual diagnosis of a physical illness so how is that psychological?! 

I wish doctors would actually realise the impact this has on womens lives and actually bother to find a fucking cure, but of course they don't give a fuck, no one does unless it's happenng to them! 

Monday, 24 July 2017

Do you really choose your own Happiness? #Abusesurvivors

One thing that really irks me as a child abuse survivor, is when people always say things like 'you controll your own happiness'. Whilst to some extent this is true. 
These words are generally coming from someone who was given unconditional love as a child, and still now as an adult. 
People who have family and friends in their life who love and support them no matter what. 

For us victims of abuse it's not like that we were never shown love, in fact the opposite we were taught self hatred and how we didn't deserve love. 
Our needs were neglected, and we were punished and abused emotionally and physically on a daily basis. 
Ofcourse we don't know how to be happy we don't know what 'happy' means. 

Most of us were and are alone in life so unlike regular people we can't call up a family member or friend when we need support, because we don't have anyone in life who cares enough about us. 

People don't seem to understand that us abuse victims were never taught vital lessons like how to socialize, how to self care and how to manage stress. 
Those things are learnt at a very early age when the brain is still developing. 

So no you don't decide your own happiness most of you are happy because of the love you received from parents!

Don't really know what this was supposed to be about my thoughts I guess and trying to make others more aware of why child abuse victims struggle so much. 

Hope your having a good day! 


Saturday, 22 July 2017

Bullshit chronic illness "cures"

I apologise in advanced it's gonna be a bit of a rant today, but I felt extremely compelled to write this. 
As a chronic illness sufferer of 'Endometriosis' to be exact, it probably comes as no surprise to you that I spend a lot of time online and reading, trying to find ways in which to help my illness. 

However when doing this you tend to come across a lot of so called "cures" all of which claim you do this one diet, eat this particular food or buy this supplement, and you'll never be in pain again! 

Not only is it very immoral, but it's far from the truth. 
Whilst I 100% agree a healthy plant based diet can be very beneficial chronic illness or not, and is the base for a healthy body, it is in no way a cure. I speak from experience and from having an educated background of studying nutrition myself. 

People claim they went vegan and gluten free used a particular supplement and cured their chronic illness. 
Let me tell you I am living proof that a healthy diet is no cure. 

I've been eating a plant based lifestyle since I was able to walk, well to be exact I was 6 when I became vegetarian. 
And I know vege isn't that healthy either but I've never liked dairy so ate minimal dairy my whole life too. 
And that is why I have been Vegan for almost 3 years now, I have also been gluten free for that length of time too. 
I have cut out coffee, alcohol, soy, and corn in the last 6months all known as 'bad guys' when you have endometriosis. 
Along with trying every overpriced supplement and cleanse on the market! 
I forget to mention, i do not eat processed foods either. 

So why aren't I cured like these others? 
Surely from been so healthy I should have never developed a chronic illness anyway? 

I think many of these people who say they are so called "cured" from a chronic illness, probably had very bad diets before hand so Ofcourse suddenly eating plant based and organic is going to make them feel better! 
Or either their just bullshitting..

Not only does it make others feel inadequate because their doing all the right things too, but they aren't "cured".
It's just straight out lying.
We call them chronic illness's for a reason because they don't go away and there is no cure. 
If there was don't you think some doctor would have come up with it already? 

Whilst I don't always fully trust and believe in the medical system, I would hope that they would and are working on curing chronic illness's! 

So yes a healthy diets great and maybe it makes you feel better, but you certainly can't claim it's a "cure"!

Sorry this was a little ranty but it's been a real tough pain day today and I just had to get this out! 
More positive posts to come soon! 


Sunday, 25 June 2017

Update #therapy #endometriosis

So it's been a pretty tough week this week, I mean when is it not really?! 
I had 2 appointments with therapists one private and one on the Nhs. 

The private one seemed to go ok, it was obviously just very difficult for me having to bring back up all the past trauma I suffered, but now at least I am on the waiting list for a counsellor, not sure how good they'll be but I can only hope for the best. 

The 2nd appointment with the Nhs, didn't go so well I met with a doctor, whom barely spoke any English which in England is pretty ridiculous?! 
And he just seemed pretty incompetent overall. 
I don't want to sound mean he seemed nice, but I just don't understand how you can employ a doctor in England who barely speaks English?! 
Anyway with regards to that appointment 
I explained how my main problem is that I suffer with severe chronic pain caused by endometriosis, which has pretty much ruined my whole life! 
So he has me on a waiting list for physiotherapy! Which just seems strange to me I can't imagine how physiotherapy will help endometriosis since it's a hormonal condition. 
I mean physiotherapy really?! A fucking cure is what we need not bull shit therapy and hormonal medications. 

To top it all off the endo pain has been incredibly painful this week, so much so that it's hard to even walk or stand up. 
I just want to get better and to be actually taken seriously by gp's, my whole life has been taken away from me and no one seems to understand just how debilitating this illness is. 

Hope your having a great day! 

Let me know if you suffer with endo yourself? What methods of treatment have you found helpful? 


Friday, 2 June 2017

Update #doctorsvisit #Endometriosis

So today I went to see my GP, it's been a long time since I've seen my GP, as I always find doctors visits's unhelpful, and just make me feel worse. 

However I've been in severe pain along with chronic fatigue, ever since I had my surgery in January. 
And I don't think it's normal for me to be suffering this way. 

So I sucked it up and booked an appointment. 
I'd been threating about it all week, and didn't end up sleeping at all last night, due to anxiety, so my body's really paying for it today. 

Anyway as usual I found the session pretty unhelpful and was just made to feel crazy. 
My doctor basically told me how most people can handle their endo pain and it's just because of the fact I was abused and my mental illness's that I am unable to cope with it! 
And my doc specialises in gynocology! 

I just don't feel like this is the case sure my psychological issues will make things more difficult for me, but I don't think that's the route of the problem. 

Thousands of other women suffer with endo and are bed bound and I don't think that's because of mental illness, that's because of the severe pain and chronic fatigue endometriosis causes. 

I feel really let down that she didn't really check other things too, and just passed everything off as psychological because it's the easy way out. 

I don't think it's psychological that I suffer with chronic diarohea that stops me from being able to leave the house because I will poop my pants! 
I know this is probably part of the endo or that I have ibs too. 
But my digestive issues have never properly been checked out it could be chrons or ulcerative colitis for all they know. 

And they didn't even bother to check my bloods since I am chronically fatigued and I am in recovery from bulimia, I think it's a good idea to check those. 

I just feel so disregarded, my GP has now referred me for therapy but it will probably take months, but I am not really expecting much from it since I've seen a lot of therapists and nothing has really helped, because heck therapists can't cure chronic pain! 

I really hope therapy will help and do feel I need it due to all the abuse I faced as a child, but finding a good therapist is extremely hard especially on the nhs! 

Sorry for the long rant post, just really needed to vent! 

I will hopefully be back with more positive posts soon! 

Have a great day! 


Saturday, 27 May 2017

Endometriosis and Abuse?

Since suffering with chronic pain for the majority of my life and having always been interested in psychology, I have always thought that the fact I was abused as a child had something to do with it.
Which my GP also mentioned that many people like myself who were abused do tend to suffer with a lot of health problems, as if life wasn't hard enough for us already!

Before I was diagnosed with Endometriosis my GP thought that my symptoms were purely based on the fact that i was abused and that my symptoms were somatic.
However due to my constant pushing and explaining that my symptoms were definitely physical i was finally given a laparoscopy and diagnosed with stage 3 Endometriosis.

There have been many studies done on the link between Endometriosis and Abuse
Research from Harvard University has shown that women who report child sexual and physical abuse have a 34% greater risk of being diagnosed with endometriosis in later life.
Stress caused by Abuse affects the hormone's and nervous system.

I am not saying this is the case for everybody but it definitely explains my illness, as i know for certain the abuse i endured during childhood caused me to suffer from Anxiety, Depression and Eating Disorders very early on.
And we all know stress reeks havoc on the body and causes not just mental illness's to occur but physical illness.

Its just really sad that my whole life has been ruined because of some sick twisted individuals that would abuse their own child, but we will not let them win, we will not let them have control over us anymore.

I just wanted to share this as i thought it maybe helpful to some of you who may have also been through similar experiences as me.

Hope your having a Good Day
Stay strong and keep fighting!


Saturday, 13 May 2017

Coping with a Chronic illness...

Today is one of those days where I am really struggling with my Chronic illness, Endometriosis, not only with the terrible pain and fatigue, but emotional aspects that come along with it like, why me? why do I have to have this? why I can't i be normal?, will I ever have a life? whats the point in being alive?
I am sure you get it.
Then I realised I am probably not the only one feeling this way, and so I thought I would share some ideas of ways to cope with chronic illness...

1. Watch a new TV series or Movie
Sometimes just getting lost in a plot can be a great distraction from pain and how your feeling.
some reccomendations...
Pretty little liars - if your not already watching it and you should be!
The unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - this show is hilarious
Grace & Frankie - also very funny and unique

2. Do something nice for yourself
Have a little pamper session, paint your nails, do a face mask, take a bubble bath.
Cook yourself a nice dinner if you have the energy or order yourself a nourishing take out.
Treat yourself to something new a new dress or pair of shoes if you can afford to.

3. Call a friend 
If there's someone you can rely on for support, trust me I know this is not always easy, I personally don't have anyone in my life who understands or cares.
Please know I am here for you!

4. Do a hobby
If you can I know most hobbies are very physical, and being a physical person myself I have had to give up on a lot of my hobbies simply because I am into much pain to do them.
So now its time to find something knew, something not so physically demanding such as, Knitting, Drawing, Colouring, something crafty, reading etc.

5. Snuggle with your pets 
No matter what these are the ones that are always there for you, Animals are lifesavers!

6. Stretch/Meditate
Sometimes a little stretching can really help to relieve some pain and tight muscles.
If you don't feel up to stretching try a little meditation, there's lots of tutorials online.

7. Write
If like me you don't have anyone to talk to, getting it all out on paper can be just as therapeutic.

8. Get a Good Doctor
When you suffer with Chronic illness, it can be hard finding a good Doctor that understands, but it is a must! If you don't have one in your life now keep looking, don't settle for a bad GP!

Hope you found this helpful? Let me know how you cope with your Chronic illness?
I hope you are having a good Day, 
Remember you are not alone, stay strong and take care of yourself!