Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Dear Diary #8


So I am feeling pretty down right now, and have a lot of thoughts, so I gathered why not write it down and set it free! 

I am feeling quite discouraged at the moment, and have been thinking a lot about how terribly I've been treated not just in life, but mostly by the Nhs and Therapists! 

When I really think about it I see just how badly I was treated, I mean I went to the Doctors 3 years back whilst in the midst of a deep depression and crippling anxiety.
I pored my heart out to the doctor about my abusive past, and how I was feeling, but he didn't seem to understand or care, and just palmed me off with go see a counselor at your Uni, and here's some useless anti depressants. 

I then went onto see a counselor at my uni, and she wasn't really helpful, I mean if she had been I wouldn't have been in such a depressed state and suicidal. 
She then left, and transferred me onto a brand new counselor which was extremely confusing! 
From there the other counselor told me they could no longer help me and that I needed something more intense, so got referred to another service, which was good! 

The other service were great I couldn't fault them, you were supposed to pay for the service, but I couldn't afford to, so they gave me a trainee counselor. 
Who was nice and all and I really appreciate that she met with me every week, and took time out of her day to listen and try to help me, for free! 
It says to me that she obviously cared and that feels good. 
And I really appreciate all that she did for me, but it just wasn't the right service for me. 
I wasn't getting any better after 2 years and found counseling very difficult they don't ask enough questions, and don't give you any coping mechanisms. 
So I did leave this service to try to pursue a more intensive therapy.  

I was referred to the Eating Disorders service which was the most unhelpful of them all, basically unless your extremely underweight they really don't give a Fuck! 
Pardon my language, but I am angry. 

I saw another doctor, who basically insulted me and upset me so much that I cried right there in his office. 
I don't understand why doctors are so un-compassionate, I mean isn't that their job?! 

I then went to my current doctor who is somewhat ok, but she really won't try to do anything about my chronic pain or physical illness, she's pretty sure I have Endometriosis but won't check it out! 
I've been having 2 week long periods and bleeding between periods, but she won't check them out! It could be something serious, it's not normal, but she doesn't care. 

I am now still waiting for psychotherapy after 3 fucking years! 

I really don't understand Doctors or therapists, isn't their job to be to care for people and help people? 
I feel like most are only bothered about the big pay check and making money! 

Anyway basically I just feel like I have been treated so badly by the Nhs and not taken seriously, I find it disgusting that now in 2015, we still don't have better healthcare. 

I just want some help, I just want to be taken seriously, I just want to get better! 
It's not too much to ask! 

Sorry for the long rant, but this is my diary, so I am going to keep it real! 

Have any of you had similar experiences with the Nhs and therapists etc, let me know? 

Hope your all well!



  1. I'm so glad that you have your blog where you can write down whatever you want to get it out of your system. I think that is really important. I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time. I wish so badly that there was something I could do to help you. If there is anything, please reach out. My ear is always ready to listen. Take care of yourself, please stay strong during this tough time for you. Thinking of you xx

    1. Yeah it does help, I am so glad i started a blog, Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me, people like you is why i keep going! xx